Jingying, loving me for decades? ♥

Friday, May 16, 2008 ♥.

HEY PEEPS (:

im home! aww, its like finally man. its been so damn freaking hot. im feeling damn weird today & i dont know what am i thinking about seriously. & i cud have had my dinner outside today but i chose not to, cause its burning me alive! the mother tongue intensive programme had started today. everyone was not doing the paper right i believe, cause the weather is so hot & we were like perspiring. two big fans came in after a while for us, but i feel it was not much of use. its very hot LAH! damnn. & oh yep, i actually said i'll update a long post yesterday, but i didn't in the end. i was doing other things && watching tv programmes. yep, our results are back. i've nothing much to say about. only same old sentence ' shall continue working harder. ' to me, i dont feel that failing some subjects makes me lose hope. instead, i feel like working even harder! i've to start my studying tonight, thou im tired. but still have to, cause if slacken down a day, you will continue slacking the next day giving the same reason.

hmm, this is my plan, i guess some pple know alrd.
16th may to 25th may - study freak for chinese.
26th may - taking chinese GCE 'O' levels.
27th may to 29th may - perhaps relax a little?
30th may - some day?
31st may - its JINGYING's birthday! :D

- to you know who you are -
sometimes, i dont understand you. sometimes, i feel stupid. can yopu please tell what the hell are you thinking inside? do you know how much effort i tried to put in into this frenship? how hard to tell everyone to say, you've change. & how hard to listen to pple telling me, dont be dumb. do you know? i dont know why, this isn't the first time, i can tell you, its not. why must you always do some dumb things to make me feel this way? whenever you got a problem, i told you a way to slove it, you wudn't listen & you ended up crying. what 's the point? can you tell me? & why must you go around asking so many pple? must you really do that? you can say, i just really wanna know what happen. what i feel there's not a need to make such a fuss. you told me the reason yesterday, but you shud clearly know, it aint the reason why things became like this. if you just cudn't figure out, or you choose not to say out but to act dumb, i've nothing to say. i alrd told you yesterday, since you've said the reason, then treat it as its my fault. anyways, im used to it alrd. if things happened yesterday, & you cud go with another new group of frens today, im sorry to say this, but i feel im wrong this time. cause i believe you can adapt to your new group of frens quickly. seriously, i dont know what i really want from you right now either. just take it that, i've got serious attitude problem & things became like this is due to my fault, alright?

i've been thinking about it for days. are things supposed to be like this? maybe im the cause of this outcome. i know i'll regret if i tell some things out. but, perhaps it wud be better. im still hesitating, hardly & suffering. cause i dont wish to risk anymore, i dont wish to see so much sadness going on. it makes me feel painful if things happens badly again, no matter you or me. i'll feel the same amount of pain. arghs* because i cant get a definate answer, that's why my brain is in a mess right now. i dont wish to cry, cause it cant solve anything. & i know why, its cause im afraid. afraid to lose one more time, afraid to cause more sadness, afraid towards everything. if i know, i am definately the one, perhaps all these wud stop. i can feel its crying hard. let me think harder, i know & im sure, i'll be able to get an answer soon. but right now, i shall remain unchanged all the way, after my birthday. & please, dont bleed anymore.

; cud anyone please appear to cheer me up!

signing off--
l.a.l.l.a.l.a

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Left @ 5/16/2008 06:17:00 PM